I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
