Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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