For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
