I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
