i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish my penis had a tongue
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
