If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
