If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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