I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
