I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
