Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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