Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
