My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
