I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
