you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
