i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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