I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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