What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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