I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
