You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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