Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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