apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
