Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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