Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
