Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
