oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
