we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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