When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
