It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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