Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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