he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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