Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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