oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
