My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
