So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
