You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
