I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am available for nakedness
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
