i just had sex bonerless
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I need to stop coming to work sober
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
