Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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