I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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