i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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