i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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