My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
