Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
