There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
