no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
