when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
