i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do vagina's smell?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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