I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
