Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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