I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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