Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
