She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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