Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
