please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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