the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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